| Hullo. |
I haven't updated my blog in a while.. been caught up with something called reality. ♥ I hate how arrogant and ignorant people are these days. Why do people change? It happens.. but I wonder why. Growing apart and maturing I understand, but when people change for the worse. What happens? Do you let them go without a thought..? Or do you try to reel them back in. I think it's funny how stupid you can look in someone else's eyes. No matter how smart you are, no matter how perfect you are. You can still look damn stupid in my eyes. People ask me why I'm mean. Why? I'm not unless I have a reason to be. Don't call me being blunt and straightforward "mean" that's just being honest. Sweetie, the truth hurts please don't act otherwise. If you can't handle listening to it then just don't fucking talk to me. See if i'll care because I promise you honey I won't. I speak my mind when its needed. I won't change myself for you. So get that straight.
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| Gomenasai |
For a second I forgot. I've been silently closing my heart out and in the process I forgot. I forgot about the pain we shared and still do. I forgot what it means not to be selfish. I forgot what it means to care. I forgot about you. I truly am sorry. I guess what Joyee said was true. May it be pointed at me or her other friends. In the end we are still selfish in the end deep down inside the spotlight is still pointed at ourselves. I've been under a lot of stress lately. My sense of direction slowly pointed inward towards myself without me knowing. I've been really focused on getting my life back on track instead of hanging out with that senseless group, yet I forgot that my best friend was trying hard to silently fade into that group. We'll slowly synchronize with each others habbits, ways, and actions. There of course will be downfalls and uprises but that's what counts. Understanding is what brings us closer, yet the base of all that is wavering between us... Trust.
♥ Take 2 : Love ♥
It makes me upset in unthinkable ways, beyond the comprehension of words. -_____- It's frustrating how people could be so blind and so utterly foolish. How naive, stubborn, onerous, bitter, mendacious people can be. Then again maybe so am I at times. It's the feeling of being mute, yet wanting to scream your lungs out. It's the feeling of wanting to run, yet being paralyzed in both legs. It's the feeling of being miserable in a distuinguish way yet you learn to cope with it. At times you do feel the jealousy or pain stabbing at you, but you do.. in the end cope with it.
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| BeY♥U |
You are beautiful. Believe it. Don't doubt. Confidence is the key.
We're who we are. No matter what anyone says. Don't let yourself be influenced by whats "in". Don't even lower yourself for anything below what you're worth. I believe it. Can you?
operationbeautiful.comI don't think anyone realizes what they have right beside them because we are all full of greed. Don't set your expectations so high. Be happy with what you have♥ I hope one day you can turn to me and look me in the eyes and realize I've been by your side the whole time. I'm happy just being your friend because to me that's enough. Yet one day I wish for you to see tears streaming down my face and feel the fire burning in your chest because you can't do anything to make me feel better except lend me a shoulder to cry on. I've seen you through your happiness, your pain, your tears, your coldness, your warmth. I wish for so much more.
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| Butter FLYS. |
I haven't been blogging lately, my mind has been empty. Boys are a waste of time, my life is a road to hell, and you are clouding every inch of space in my head. I hate how your every touch sends me butterflies. Why is that after I tried so hard to forget everything that happened just one single touch brought them screeching back into my mind. Every single everlasting memory I longed to forget. I realized all this time I've been lying to myself, trying to forget. They haven't been forgotten they were just hidden. I guess this could be real, you're not like all the others. Those whom I can forget within seconds. Yet our lives are on two totally different paths, now is not the time to burden you or myself. I hope I can just silently be by your side as we grow older :] ~ Maybe in a few years my feelings may fade away, or they may grow stronger by the day. Only time can tell.
Tomorrow I start prep school. Every morning Monday - Thursday. I've got a lot of catching up to do. Shucks here comes the train of homework on my back ~ I've been okay lately. Just okay, balanced right in the middle of ying and yang. I've been talking to a new and old friends all day. I talk quite a lot. KEyaah~ :3 |
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| ♥♥ |
| Let's grow old together. So we can hold hands in the sun, so we can cuddle beneath the stars, so we can jog in the morning dew, so we can kiss in the pouring rain, so we can dance till we're breathless, so we can argue and scream when we're mad, so we can fall asleep in each others arms, so we can wake up to our morning breaths, so we can have countless pictures, so we can have unforgettable holidays, so we can have midnight walks to nowhere, so we can huddle for warmth in the winter, so we can build sandcastles in the summertime, so we can say I do, so we can cook for our children, so we can take care of our grandchildren, so we can chase each other around in our electric wheel chairs, so we can share the same hospital room, so we can spend every breath together, so we can share every meaningful memory. Words aren't enough to express just how much i want to share with you.. -
If you could, catch me and don't let go. If you could, hug me until I don't feel alone. If you could, sing me your favorite song. If you could, spin me around till I'm breathless. If you could, tell me you're only mine. If you could, let me fall asleep in your arms. If you could, let me cry on your shoulders. If you could, stand up for me. If you could, tell me you love me. If you could, just don't go..
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Today, is a weird weird day for me. Things keep popping into my head that doesn't make sense. While words that aren't meant to be said are shooting out of my head and landing on my fingertips forcing me to type themselves out. They're screaming my bloody name and I am now confused. I don't make sense today but it's okay I never do. I think I shall go sleep now Ms. I have insomnia and always stay up late doing random useless stuff like this :) lovely ~
- P. S
You may not be her first, last or only; she's loved before and she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect-you're not either. If she can make you laugh and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She's not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break her at. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze her and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there. Because perfect girls don't exist, but there's always one girl that is perfect for you! -- Bob Marley |
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| Road To Nowhere |
I just came back from my 3 day Canada trip yesterday. I love how much it absolutely sucked. =.= My mom spent over 300$ on the trip when originally we were told it was to be 150-200$. I ended up having no money to buy the stuff I wanted to buy or even money for food. In the end Lily's mom was nice enough to share the food that they bought with me. That's how my vacations go. Sadistic shit ain't it? The trip costed so much money and overall I didn't get to do anything, we spend a good amount of those days just traveling places. I spent the last 3 days staring out the window of our moving bus thinking over on what I should do with my life. Along with the music blasting in my ear to remind me in a crowd of hundreds of people I can yet still feel alone. I didn't bother talking to Lily because when I did, it gave me a negative feeling. I gave her the short story though, I wasn't happy not one bit. The good thing we went on this trip is that it helped me realize some things. Those 3 days of pondering over my life gave me a good time to think. I think its bout time I got off this dam road now.
My choices of friends aren't that great nowadays. The second I stepped into my house last night the fireworks went off. My dad started telling me about how while I was gone the neighbors complained about last week when everyone was over at my house. How they think I'm hanging around with crappy friends which therefore makes me a crappy girl. How they think I'm a slut because of the crowds of guys that magically appear at my door without me realizing it. How retarded of a friend I could have, when he asked my neighbor for a cigarette. My. FUCKING. neighbor. I think I'm going to stop now. It's all fun and games and I do enjoy it but what happens in the future? What happens when I'm in tight shit and all they can do is mutter those words "its okay". I like these guys and all but what happens when I'm left alone with the burden of everything on my back and I can't turn to any of them? I can't tell which one of them is true to me or not, I can't tell at all. I think I need to get back to my old friends now. I have been shutting them out lately and haven't given them the time or the day. I miss them as they miss me. Being on the phone with a few of them yesterday night reminded me that. Hopefully it's not too late to reconcile without having any glitches between us(:
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| ♥ |
My heart is crying for the final time. It's silently weeping its sodden tears. I've decided I'll try my best for those who are watching. Even if it may not bring happiness myself. Hey, at least I can have the courage and right to say "I tried". Otherwise, my pride would be shattered. How can I be independent if I don't even have the courage to take my first step. I'm not a little kid. When will everyone stop looking at me like one? Even if it hasn't been said out loud, the true reality is crystal clear smacked in front of my face. The disapproving looks I get from people. I'd like to smack them upside the head and yell at them to realize, they just have a mere impression of me. They don't know me. Not the least bit. If they did, maybe those glares wouldn't be placed at me, not just because of my skin color, the way I look, the way I dress, the way I talk, walk, act or speak my mind. It just shows her silly stereotypical people are nowadays. It makes me want to laugh for no reason at all. I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud to stand out. I'm proud of the way I think, Dress, Talk, Walk, Act, Speak My Mind. There's no reason to tell other people otherwise. There's no reason to fake my life being something I'm not. Those are the silly little people I despise at and secretly laugh at inside my head. Sometimes, those laugh slip out, and I do laugh. I don't mind. It'll just give them one more thing to add on my crazy list.
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Name: Tifae
Located: New York, United States
Nationality: Taiwanese
DOB: September 04th, 1993
About Me: Click
Here
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Love is never easy, we begin by loving the people we can. But it is not long before we find that what we love is other then ourselves, and that our love in no protection against being wounded. Do we then seek to dominate what we love, to make it bend to our will, to stop it from hurting us, even though to do so is to betray love?
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posted by Tifae at 