|
| RAHHH RAHHH RAHHHH I'M A BUNNY . |
|
|
|
| Content |
What is the definition of happiness?
If it`s something else.. then I don`t want to be able to understand the true meaning of happiness. I`m content with where I am, who I`m with, and that I`m able to smile. |
|
|
|
| Stranded |
| How can I feel like a part of a group, yet feel so stranded. My new friends, my old family. It has no definition to me. The girls are getting picked off one by one. The men are merely vultures getting ready to strike. They fight for the same poor prey until its breathless, without energy, & without the will to live any longer. They simply give up.Yet sadly that`s not our case if it was... it would be so much easier. We, sadly learn. We learn that they`re the same. We learn that trust, given out is betrayed. We learn the hard way, by experience. |
|
|
|
| Replay |
It's a replay of my life everyday, a motion picture film. Just a movie playing not for its fellow audience but because it has lost track of time and has forgotten when to stop; Report cards are mailed out this Friday. I'm not scared of my parents nor my teachers. I'm scared of the slight possibility of disappointing myself again. There are no second chances in a second chance. I'm breezing by each day like it's merely nothing. It's taken me 3 years to realize I need to go to school. Yet my mind still seems to be on vacation. I. Do. Not. Like. Trying; Especially with something like school. -___- God i'm a failure. Shit I know I'm doing fantastic in most of my classes, but it just doesn't seem enough to me at times. How many times have my parents told me I'm bright but stubborn. How many times have my parents told me I'm a failure? I guess it's at the point where I have a expectation for myself up so high that I don't think I'll ever reach it no matter how hard I try. A great mind, doesn't matter how much beyond their level, is affected by their family settings while growing up. I guess we all have a shitty fucked up childhoods don't we. In these centuries the violence is unexpectedly more cruel then we all seem to ever think or hear about & it allseems to get worse as years pass by. We hear of people senselessly beating or killing innocent bystanders, family members, children, anyone and anything....yet how many times in our lifetime do we actually stop and think about it? It almost feels like a burden to be living in the world today. I want a real home for a change, with people to love and people to care about instead of me being alone in my selfish uncaring state. Please...
|
|
|
|
| Insanity |
If crying made my problems go away, I'd cry everyday. Just to have the little amount of security that maybe everything will be fine. Too bad I'm not a little girl anymore. I've realized not to waste my tears on these little things in life. My emotions and tears have dissolved into a vapor unknown to human kind. Its like I'm slowly going insane, bit by bit. The endless thoughts running through my mind, contradicting each other. Not making sense. It feels like my mind is on overload. I wouldn't mind if one day I woke up not knowing who I am. Maybe then I wouldn't have to face the reality of life. I hate love. The thought of love. The possibility of love. The days of being in love. He was right in the end, it doesn't matter how independent and strong possibly can be... you'll still be vulnerable at one point or another.
Life is a bitch. |
|
|
|
| Junior Year |
Day Four . It's been three years since I've been in school. Flashed by so quick I didn't even have time to breathe. I know by now that everyday only gets harder as the homework/projects pile up. Seems like walking into a lake with layers of clothes on, soaking the water up. Getting heavier and heavier with every step. Everyday is a day of solitude and a facade of smiling to classmates and the to be made friends. The fear of stepping out of the comfort zone. It's not like I have trouble making friends. It's the fear of having to get disapproving glares again. I'm not rich. Neither is my family. What do I have to compare with them? I'm not studying abroad a foreign country like most of them are. I'm there because I chose the wrong path for myself years ago. It seems that I have chosen a new path that unfortunately crosses theirs.
Nerd Mode : On. |
|
|
|
| Expectations. |
If we didn't have any expectations, we wouldn't be let down. Where's that nirvana I dream of? Perhaps it's just a sanctuary I've pushed my goals and dreams into. That way.. I wouldn't suffer or feel any pain in the case that I don't succeed. I'm suppose to be giving it my all? Why am I just sitting back watching the days slowly pass by. When my fingers dance over the keys I travel to a different place. In that bubble of peace and serenity I could feel thousands of emotions, memories, feelings wash over me one by one. I need a inspiration for me to sit down for minutes, hours, days, maybe even weeks for me to compose something I would be proud to play for everyone. Just there by myself. Me. Alone without being disturbed by the troubled thoughts of yesterday, today, or tomorrow.
Inspiration.. where are you? ~ |
|
|
|
| Q |
Today was just another day. Like the usual pool, ktv, food, fun. Or at least that's what it seems to be on the outside. Yes we may all carry smiles on our faces and hear laughter in our ears but is that reality? Or is it just a mere facade we put on for everyone to see in order to hide the fact that we all wear masks of bitter unhappiness inside. We hang out to have fun to lose control and pretend everything is happy and okay. Yet at the end of the day when we each come home the truth unwinds itself and brings everyone to face reality. When you guys pick up a beer, a cigarette, to make yourself feel better. Ask yourself, is it really helping you at all? maybe for that second. Yet when you wake up the next morning would your problems have gone away?
Day's pass by with a blur. Does anyone realize how fast our life is wasting away? By minutes, by days, by weeks, soon by months and years. We have expectations almost deemed unreachable.. yet we try. Why is it that living brings us pain? Every day I watch my loved ones in pain. Getting hurt. Being hurt. Bringing hurt. It's their pain that makes my heart ache so. It's when I wish there was a nirvana we have yet discovered. A place where everything could be blissfull and happy. When people first hear these words the first thought that may pop up would be "heaven". To go there you'd first have to reach death first and that is something I don't welcome into my head. The burden of knowing a secret, of sharing people's pain is sometimes miserable. Even watching your love ones suffer, it hurts. Oh boy it does.
|
|
|
|
| Hullo. |
I haven't updated my blog in a while.. been caught up with something called reality. ♥ I hate how arrogant and ignorant people are these days. Why do people change? It happens.. but I wonder why. Growing apart and maturing I understand, but when people change for the worse. What happens? Do you let them go without a thought..? Or do you try to reel them back in. I think it's funny how stupid you can look in someone else's eyes. No matter how smart you are, no matter how perfect you are. You can still look damn stupid in my eyes. People ask me why I'm mean. Why? I'm not unless I have a reason to be. Don't call me being blunt and straightforward "mean" that's just being honest. Sweetie, the truth hurts please don't act otherwise. If you can't handle listening to it then just don't fucking talk to me. See if i'll care because I promise you honey I won't. I speak my mind when its needed. I won't change myself for you. So get that straight.
|
|
|
|
| Gomenasai |
For a second I forgot. I've been silently closing my heart out and in the process I forgot. I forgot about the pain we shared and still do. I forgot what it means not to be selfish. I forgot what it means to care. I forgot about you. I truly am sorry. I guess what Joyee said was true. May it be pointed at me or her other friends. In the end we are still selfish in the end deep down inside the spotlight is still pointed at ourselves. I've been under a lot of stress lately. My sense of direction slowly pointed inward towards myself without me knowing. I've been really focused on getting my life back on track instead of hanging out with that senseless group, yet I forgot that my best friend was trying hard to silently fade into that group. We'll slowly synchronize with each others habbits, ways, and actions. There of course will be downfalls and uprises but that's what counts. Understanding is what brings us closer, yet the base of all that is wavering between us... Trust.
♥ Take 2 : Love ♥
It makes me upset in unthinkable ways, beyond the comprehension of words. -_____- It's frustrating how people could be so blind and so utterly foolish. How naive, stubborn, onerous, bitter, mendacious people can be. Then again maybe so am I at times. It's the feeling of being mute, yet wanting to scream your lungs out. It's the feeling of wanting to run, yet being paralyzed in both legs. It's the feeling of being miserable in a distuinguish way yet you learn to cope with it. At times you do feel the jealousy or pain stabbing at you, but you do.. in the end cope with it.
|
|
|
|
|
Name: Tifae
Located: New York, United States
Nationality: Taiwanese
DOB: September 04th, 1993
About Me: Click
Here
|
|
|
|
|
Love is never easy, we begin by loving the people we can. But it is not long before we find that what we love is other then ourselves, and that our love in no protection against being wounded. Do we then seek to dominate what we love, to make it bend to our will, to stop it from hurting us, even though to do so is to betray love?
|
|
posted by Tifae at 