| Heartwrecking |
Here I am in my empty room, with tears flowing down my face. Why? I don't know myself.. Those simple words that usually would have no effect on me, instead today started a waterfall. Truthfully I don't really care who's reading this. May you be someone I'm close to or may you be a stranger who's eyes are just taking a mere glimpse through my distant words. I'm really just sick of this. How long can I withstand life? It seems like god's just taking cruel steps in making my life as difficult as possible. To start off with, the burns on my right wrist are staring back at me, mocking me. Reminding me of just exactly how ugly I could be in reality. Where everything conceited in my brain impacts my life and comes flying back in my face twenty times harder. I can't say I'm a heartless bitch at the second. I am a bitch no doubt, but my heart is there and its hurting.. hard. I think it's god's way of telling me it's not meant to be. I want to spill my heart out to him, yet my gut tells me to hold myself back. What can I possibly say, or do that will actually make sense? My whole body is a mess, inside and out. I can't see prettiness or even a mere drop of beauty, all I can see is a deep sour ugliness seeping out from every direction. I can't ask for you to understand me because it'd be just plain selfish of me. Instead, I'll become mute and remain the way I am, silently sending you my thoughts and prayers every second of every day in ways that make sense to me. I hope that's fine with you, because I'm content with that for now. I'll be taken away from my circle of communication again since my iphone was stolen. Like that wasn't enough to top it off they had to steal my money too. Maybe, its karma for all the things I've stolen before, it just caught up to me a few years too late. I'm thankful though it was my iphone stolen, instead of anything happening to any of my friends or me. I'm thankful for those few friends of mine that automatically put their attention on getting back my phone or replacing my phone. But. Really? I don't need a new one. I think even if I get a new phone now, it'll be different. Don't ask me how, I just know it in my gut. So in weird ways, it was a good day on saturday and in ways it was just simply horrible. My body feels numb-er by the second as I am getting drowsy.. Im guessing the pill is kicking in. (Edit:3:47am) I'm still pushing it real hard, my tears have long dried. Yet my heart is still silently weeping. I'll be okay, i'm strong. *nods* Doesn't matter because I know there'll be another mountain to climb. I'll stay strong for those who need me more then myself. I'll pull myself out of my two day misery and brighten up with my usual charade. That just could be it, my life.. a charade, a simple game of acting your life out.. just waiting for someone to understand you. Waiting for someone to guess exactaly what your purpose of life is. Sucks neh? But just for tonight lets forget about all that. Just for tonight don't you think you should let me cry peacefully? <3
P.S For your sake.. I'll forget... Lust?Love?It'sokayjustLeave.
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Name: Tifae
Located: New York, United States
Nationality: Taiwanese
DOB: September 04th, 1993
About Me: Click
Here
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Love is never easy, we begin by loving the people we can. But it is not long before we find that what we love is other then ourselves, and that our love in no protection against being wounded. Do we then seek to dominate what we love, to make it bend to our will, to stop it from hurting us, even though to do so is to betray love?
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posted by Tifae at 