| Locked - x33 |
I can't explain myself to you. Not right now, not in this position, not like this.. I locked my heart up mighty tight years ago. Yet, there's places wear light shines through the tiny cracks on that broken bitter barrier. I can stand here and pour my heart out to you, yet I feel like my heart has been cruelly frozen to the point of no repair. It's a feeling of wanting to scream your lungs out when you're simply mute. From what little I can explain it feels like a depressing sentence after another. I'm at the point of just wanting to rip my heart out, toss it in the trash, and to live the rest of my life without emotions. I've always tried to look at the brighter side of things, I've always tried to be strong. Yet, I still have those days where I simply want to break down and cry my eyes out. I want to be able to scream the loud questions in my head sending me tiny shocks of pain every second if unanswered. I want to be able to feel stress free just for a second. Being kicked while you're down ain't a pretty thing.. but after the first, second, third, fourth, and so on times you get use to the light bruises. You get used to the numb cold feeling seeping through your body after, you get used to the bitter part of what we call life.
I've been scolded, yelled, abused, by my parents quite often already. Verbally and Physically. I've taken shit after shit after shit. I'm tired.. I want to go into a slow slumber and never wake up. That's how I sincerely feel right now. I'm fifteen, I'm use to all this shit but as of right now.. I have enough pressure as it is I don't need them ohdeeing on me about every fucking little thing just so they can release their stress on me. FUCK I'm not a dam tool. They didn't give birth to me just to fucking abuse me. *sigh* 50/50% - I might just end up in shitty NY. Like since I was born, they build up my hope just to tear it down. Just to simply watch it crumble. Sometimes I wonder if they do this just to spite me. Just to see how much I could take before I break down in front of them. My lifes fucked. I have a goal, I have a dream. I'm simply watching as they drift further and further away.
I want to believe in love. I truly do but sadly I can't it just brings me sadness in the end. I've been a good girl I kept my promise. Till 18 we shall live romance-less. Friends bring happiness and pain as does love. So shall I kept my mind locked up? In a place where they can't reach. "We build up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to break them down". So I shall wait till when love comes strolling down my path. Even if it might pass me by, I'll risk it.. my heart just like a broken window in the end its still hard to fix all the pieces back together. A missing piece here and there there will always be a void somewhere.
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Name: Tifae
Located: New York, United States
Nationality: Taiwanese
DOB: September 04th, 1993
About Me: Click
Here
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Love is never easy, we begin by loving the people we can. But it is not long before we find that what we love is other then ourselves, and that our love in no protection against being wounded. Do we then seek to dominate what we love, to make it bend to our will, to stop it from hurting us, even though to do so is to betray love?
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posted by Tifae at 